There is always someone on the other side…

Who cares for you.

This Quiet Violence by David Chappell

Это может показаться парадоксальным, но если бы я не был настолько поглощён музыкой, я бы не стал писателем.  Даже сейчас, почти 30 лет спустя, я по-прежнему черпаю многое из музыки. Мой стиль глубоко пронизан рифмами Чарли Паркера и ритмом прозы Ф. Скотта Фицджеральда. И я по-прежнему черпаю новое в своей литературе в музыке Майлза Дэвиса.

Харуки Мураками

Недооценивать музыку, наверное это большее преступление, чем коверкать её, издеваться над звуками, искать какие-то новые звучания и сочетания, интерпретировать всеми возможными инструментами и способами: через предметы, устройства, электрические импульсы, стуки и отбивания ритмов, но что само по себе звук? В космосе нет звуков. Всё самое прекрасное, красивое и совершенное создаётся в тишине. 

Nowadays you can believe in anything. But the problem of almost every religion is you need to believe in God. But also in every one they say the people was made by God as God himself. Well, isn’t it obvious that in that case you need just believe in yourself?

I read once a story of musician and copy it to remember and read time to time:

“In my early 20s, a strange thing happened: I started getting worse. To this day, I have no idea why. My technique began to suffer, and I had no explanation for it. Nothing helped. I visited great teachers and practiced more, but I couldn’t get back to where I had been. Pieces that had been easy to play became hard; pieces that had been hard became impossible. Even now, I regularly dream that I am on stage, and wake to remember that my childhood aspirations are now only phantasms.

I am lucky to have accepted my decline at a young enough age that I could redirect my life into a new line of work. Still, to this day, the sting of that early decline makes these words difficult to write. I vowed to myself that it wouldn’t ever happen again. The data are shockingly clear that for most people, in most fields, decline starts earlier than almost anyone thinks.

Eastern philosophy warns that focusing on acquisition leads to attachment and vanity, which derail the search for happiness by obscuring one’s essential nature. As we grow older, we shouldn’t acquire more, but rather strip things away to find our true selves—and thus, peace. “Let us deprive death of its strangeness, let us frequent it, let us get used to it; let us have nothing more often in mind than death.” The key is to enjoy accomplishments for what they are in the moment, and to walk away perhaps before I am completely ready—but on my own terms.

Live to See Tomorrow by David Chappell

Leaving something you love can feel a bit like a part of you is dying. In Tibetan Buddhism, there is a concept called bardo, which is a state of existence between death and rebirth— “like a moment when you step toward the edge of a precipice,” as a famous Buddhist teacher puts it. I am letting go of a professional life that answers the question Who am I?

“The aim and final end of all music, ”Bach once said, “should be none other than the glory of God and the refreshment of the soul.” Whatever your metaphysical convictions, refreshment of the soul can be the aim of your work, like Bach’s.”

It’s only natural for things to get weird and tear with time. There’s no such thing like a perfect relationship. What’s wrong with hurting each others feelings a little? No one is perfect. That’s why we do things we have to apologize for, say sorry and mend things. This is how life goes.

When I hear people say, that everyone’s special, I laughs.

Because no one is special and there is nothing special in the world. Even if the planet is just all one alone in the whole dark and cold universe, still there is nothing to do about that. We all will be the dust in the end, even if you don’t choose the cremation for yourself in your will, ha. Did you know that cosmos does not have sounds and colors? Interesting, don’t you think. And what about the beauty of the Nature here? Trees, grass and flowers, rivers and oceans, animals – so much attraction as the power of gravity that makes us stick to the earth and each others sometimes. But we are, people – the cancer of the planet, as many says. Anyway, all will be burnt by fire. Well, we will finish all our lives and it is just as must go on. Bad or good, for everyone and everything will be the one end. At least something equally in the end and without any kind of discrimination! And what will stay forever is just the world without anything. And maybe this is a God, that we never will know and see.

But that I know for sure is that I want to live a simple and happy life. There were bad times and I was lonely for long. I am tired and I am done. I did a lot of things which brought me to my nowadays, they are not ideal, but not bad. I have a lot of things I couldn’t even imagine 5 years ago, but still don’t have a lot I wanted to have. Maybe I am stupid or became a very ordinary person or maybe I just aged and don’t have any energy to harry and fight for something unreal, unknown and what I don’t want at that moment. 

Everyone is changing. My world was changed as I am myself. I am not lost or gave up. I just want to start again and build the other life and reach a new aim, new hope and make new dreams come truth. And nothing special in that. Nothing.

I will play my own music and run on.