do my thing…

…I don’t need nice things, shoes and rings
To be myself and do my thing…

I didn’t even know this actress sings (maybe I saw her in some tv-dramas, but can’t remember). I don’t like the singer and the song. The main theme is telling a very boring and not unusual story about the girl, who’s came to Tokyo to reach her ”dream” to be the “idol” (maybe). A lot of such little angels always fall from above and breaking hurtly their wings. If you’ve ever looked at Japan deeply and no wearing pink glasses then you know about such unpleasant and dirty things that happen with young people everyday.

Imagine you could tell stories through the songs you heard, movies you watched and poems or books you read, I think you will be interesting into hiding some important things in the writings to amuse others imagination and force to think, to look for and solve the puzzles, don’t you?

You just can’t be alone.
Alone you will be gone.

That’s why I choose this song “Lonely in Tokyo”. Not because the story, but as you know now, because of the feeling and some ideas, which were come from there. Let’s play the game. It reminds me about the past as so the future.

Lonely in Tokyo is a song about the looking at yourself in this dark world, where you supposed to be someone to survive or to go somewhere else to succeed. But which price you are ready to pay? The song is dark, sad and brings unhappy feeling.

When you start to watch at your past and all you got and not reach, it is like falling into nightmares. Even if we’ll never experience our dark sad or happy moments one more time again, we will always remember it. It is always important what to choose.

I tried so hard and got so far
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter
I had to fall to lose it all
But in the end, it doesn’t even matter

If you read this and think here is something you can’t understand or you are fed up with your life and tired to fight, nothing will be changed (the world will never change and be ended one day), don’t lose your truth self, don’t waste your time. If you feel something you don’t like, let it be as it is. Do nothing but just one thing – go step by step. Walk in circles, mark time, but hold onto this air and stand with your feet on this ground. One day something will push you. The wind will blow in your back and you suddenly stumble and fall out of this circle, which caught you in a trap.

This world can hurt you
It cuts you deep and leaves a scar
Things fall apart, but nothing breaks like a heart

Sometimes we lost, but if you really want to be real yourself till the end, be someone you are inside. Be not a doll, not a someones creation, but a person you are making right now by your hands. One day, when you look back and see that this person you was is no longer exist, don’t be afraid. Just do the check and sure that you are on the same way, which you wanted to follow and choosed once. But if you are not and think that you want to be somewhere else or earlier you just borrowed someone’s reasons and goals, rethink:

What if I don’t want it at all?
What if I had the other dream?
What if my dream just gone?
What if I’m just afraid to admit myself as a different person?
What if I am just afraid to stay alone, be broken, be sad and unhappy and has chosen the most easy way to go for?

I don’t know the answer and how to solve that problem inside of the soul. I just try to understand the feelings, which are appearing in everyone’s head after a decade of an adults life (I think so).

Time waits for no one,
You will be gone once.
There’s no trap,
Drink cold tea from a cup.
Nothing changes, no doubt.

Everyone is try to be as good as can, sincerely and with a lot of efforts. I truly believe in that. Doesn’t we want to be productive and do something useful and understandable in this life, be motivated and look forward every single day to live a better and meaningful life? But you know, it doesn’t work that way. And everyone have their own moments of weakness and anxiety. Sometimes it happens once in a couple of years or in a year, sometimes even several times in a month or a week. This feelings bring us the soul pain and eat us alive from inside.

When I feel it myself, I start to wear dark clothes, thinking that it will help to turn my strength back. And I like to be in silence more than speak out loud. It helps me to think and look at myself from the other perspective. I need time to solve the problem I would like to solve of course. But as I live my life not only by my own way I just can’t struggle alone and not to involve the people I love.

Our mood and actions make people who loves us to worry and feel the loneliness too. They don’t know what is going on or why they can’t help. And it makes both sides anxious and depressed.

The better decision is just be near and support each other without any advices, which could make person to feel even more hopeless and unhappy. But you need to know, when to do something and how to help, just in case someone didn’t start to ruin yourself… It could be just a little care or a good word or a present, or just the great adventure or the real changeover as the move to a new place.

When this moments are appeared with the sunlights on the dark sky, don’t start to hate yourself and try to fight with thoughts in your head as you can. You can’t be good enough as you can’t be bad at all. 

The river is flown and clouds are flew, wind is blown and fire is burnt, they are changing every single second as you are. It is normal to be someone else, different than before.

Every new you is you. Every new battle, that makes you alive is a life. Just go ahead and live.
Live your life.

Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.
― George Bernard Shaw

Continue to open this Door into Summer…